Weeknight Shenanigans

Okay, so funny story: On Wednesday night Alkira and I had a couple of the boys over to watch a movie, play smash bros. etc…it was great. Anyway the time comes for everyone to get the hell out of my house  as it was a weeknight and most of us had work in the morning. Then, I jokingly suggest “Hey guy’s wouldn’t it be funny if we played brikwars right now haha hey guys haha…”.Of course the following events took place… So tonight’s contenders are (from left to right in the photo below) Ian, Bjorn, Graeme, Alkira and myself (invisible).

Ian is the newbie tonight who can be seen below listening intently to Bjorn who is carefully explaining the “rules”.

DSCF4130

 

The battlefield was quickly slapped together, purposely small and cramped with the intention of hopefully forcing a short game. No capture points, with scattered buildings and a crashed Republic Gunship in the center. We had three units each plus one hero.

Ian: Amigos
Bjorn: Ninjas
Graeme (who coincidently is French): Mimes
Alkira: Aliens
Me (Peter): Droid Army

DSCF4139

 

I’m surprised any of us had energy left for this.

DSCF4132

 

This games special rule – If you rescue Betty Space Commando she will resurrect your dead team somehow.

DSCF4133

 

Ian is Canadian by the way, which to the rest of us Aussies was quite a surprise.

DSCF4138

 

Graeme starts off the night with a very low-profile move, attempting to kill Bjorn’s entire team with a single, awkwardly thrown explosive.

DSCF4137

 

Sadly when Graeme rolls an actual die things don’t go so well…

DSCF4141

 

His mime throws up an invisible wall to shield himself from any repercussions…

DSCF4143

 

However the mime’s imagination isn’t enough to protect him from a dynamite propelled sword.

DSCF4144

 

The blade was just too much for the mime’s body to handle and the following physics defying event occurred:

DSCF4147

 

Alkira’s Aliens move forward preparing to probe all moving things. That’s my girl!

DSCF4140

 

Graeme can be seen here trying to convince Bjorn that the whole “exploding all your ninja’s” thing was a giant misunderstanding and that they are unknowingly on the same team.

DSCF4142

 

Battle Droids are weak and useless (like Bjorn’s libido), everyone knows that. That’s why their hero Darth Maul is ridiculously over powered. Here he can be seen villainously using his powers to obliterate a wall.

DSCF4148

 

Between turns Graeme props up the gunship wing as a barrier and then convinces everyone it was like that from the beginning.

DSCF4149

DSCF4146

 

Lucha El Vincedo, the Amigo hero, has wrestling abilities that allow him to fight without weapons. His megaton punch against Darth Maul, though an impressive sight, was in vain as he couldn’t quite break through his light cloth robes.

DSCF4151

DSCF4152

 

The Amigos now blow up a wall, possibly to steal something?

IMG_0997

 

Graeme tries his hand at using this hero ability, mimic.

 

I can’t quite remember how this situation came about, but Graeme’s Mimes don’t have any weapons. I think he spent all of his CP on that fail stick of dynamite (that Bjorn now has). So below you can see him improvising. Grabbing the wing, he turns it towards the Aliens.

IMG_0999

 

Assured that the long pointy thing is some kind of engine, Graeme’s plan is to feed one of his Mimes into the turbine, resulting in a deadly spray of bones and teeth out of the other end.

IMG_1001

 

Somehow he manages to do this, killing the glorious Hypaxxus-8 and a foot solider.

IMG_1003

 

What an honourable way to die!

IMG_1004

 

Next turn the Droids, as useless as they are, manage to kill the Amigo hero (probably by accident). Also one of their arms fell off for no reason.

IMG_1006

IMG_1007

 

Ian tries to avenge his fallen leader but by the time he had the chance the rest of the Droids crumble under the weight of their own bad movie lines.

IMG_1008

 

Alkira tries to free Betty: Space Commando, but only slightly damages the door.

IMG_1010

 

The Ninjas, who want Betty to stay trapped (that’s how Bjorn likes his women), do a slicey.

IMG_1014

 

Master Hentai gets some action in the usual fashion by fragging the person and then ‘courting’ them appropriately…or inappropriately depending on your point of view.

IMG_1013

 

Graeme’s Mime next takes aim at an approaching Ninja. Once again, the French show their resourcefulness by feeding their own body parts into a salvaged gunship cannon, so, nothing unusual.

IMG_1016

 

He may now be missing legs, but the Mime has gained our hearts.  Also that Ninja died. How can live body parts be used to power weapons? Graeme insists it’s an ancient technique only mastered by the French, so unfortunately the rest of us can’t emulate its power.

IMG_1017

 

While everyone was distracted, Alkira activated a robot in one of the rooms which she says has the magical power to resurrect her dead units BUT, and here is the self imposed rule she quite modestly placed on herself  – she can only repsawn her own dead units when she wants to. Welcome back Hypaxxus-8!

IMG_1020

 

…who gets back to work, stealing brains and what not. The most notable brain in range for Alkira is the amputee Mime still clinging to life on the side of the gunship. Prime real estate in any language!

IMG_1021

 

Le Dink the Mime can foresee where all this brain stealing is going and sets up an invisible wall, which is impenetrable except from gun fire, explosions, light tapping and just walking around it.

IMG_1023

 

Alkira’s stolen mime goes to fire the rest of his body through the meat cannon again, this time only causing enough damage to spray the wall with his remains.

IMG_1026

IMG_1027

 

Still during the Alien’s turn, Alkira remembers that Betty: Space Commando has the unexplained ability to bring entire teams back to life if freed from the wreckage. Alkira agree’s with herself that she can be the only one with recoverable units so she did the only noble thing one would expect – she stole a ninja brain and killed an unarmed woman.

IMG_1028

 

The extraterrestrial rampage was short lived as Darth Maul butterfly kicks his way into the party. Aliens bleed blue btw.

IMG_1030

 

Ian, who is the only one playing ‘properly’, kills a guy.

IMG_1038

 

Then respawns his hero with a medic pad.

IMG_1031

 

His next move is to megaton punch Master Hentai…

IMG_1032

 

…up the butt.

IMG_1033

 

Of course we have to roll for this like everything else in Brikwars.

So yeah that was a no…

Unarmed Le Dink has a problem – he can’t mime weapons he can’t see. Graeme fixes that problem by shoving the cadaver fueled cannon to his heroes head and runs him up the ramp of blood.

IMG_1035

 

Matrix style, Le Dink fires his legs through the cannon. Okay, so maybe its not really like the matrix.

IMG_1036

 

Perched atop the corridor of madness, the Mime hero uses his last ounce of strength to fire his torso and head toward the Amigos as an act of defiance. Ah those French, they really are all about empty posturing.

IMG_1039

IMG_1040

IMG_1041

 

The Aliens are still alive and Alkira has activated C3PO. Unbeknownst to the rest of us playing, C3PO can not only revive dead units (surprise) but it’s also a walking bomb.

IMG_1043

 

Reasoning that there must still be fuel of some kind left in the gunship, Alkira understands that if she can’t win (which to her is strange as she thought the game she was playing was called ‘I Win’), then nobody can win.

Bjorn isn’t taking this one in the butt (again), so tries to use his ‘smart’ to reason his way out of this everyone dies move…

 

Alkira ignores Bjorn and does it anyway…C3PO then does a thing, shamefully detonating himself all over the place and ignites the gas tanks of the ship, resulting in the end of the game:

IMG_1046

 

We all agreed a smaller map was a good idea. With tighter space and less room to move we all had to make better use of the battlefield then what we usually do. Also worth mentioning is Ian’s lack of movement and Alkira’s refusal to acknowledge ‘rules’ or ‘other players’.

IMG_1046 - Copy

 

In the end there was a winner, the Amigos commanded by the maple leaf eating gentleman that is Ian. History once again proves to be out of ideas as the person who learnt on the night has won the game.

IMG_1048